Be Kind to Yourself

Learn to be non-judgemental with yourself. I do not judge other people, but my goodness do I ever lay down the letter of the law to myself. I feel like I'm being irresponsible by not getting important things done. And I only have three things on my "critical" to do list. My living will, both our wills, and my celebration of life. Of those three things that I feel like I must do, only my celebration of life has been roughly sketched out. However, I am doing more harm than good by being so unyielding with myself and my "to do list".

I am exhausted! How can thinking about what is going on in my brain be SO tiring?? I need a nap!! I am giving myself permission to take a nap!

NON-JUDGING
Learn to be an impartial witness to your experiences. Just observe it, and step back from it.

PATIENCE
Develop the patience to let things unfold in their own time. 

BEGINNERS MIND
Be receptive to new and unique possibilities.

TRUST
Honor your feelings and your intuition, and trust others to help you on your journey.

NON-STRIVING
Meditate. Be yourself. Do not introduce the idea that you are NOT OK right now, only express positive thoughts. Pay attention to what is happening right now.

ACCEPTANCE
See things as they are in the present moment. Do not waste energy in denying and resisting what is already a fact! Accept what is happening this moment.

LETTING-GO
Or letting things be. There are situations that our mind wants to hold on to, and situations that we want to protect ourselves from having. Learn to let things be without holding on or pushing away.

 

Broken Crayons

 Even broken crayons still color!

When I think back to kindergarten, there were entire boxes full of broken crayons. They would snap, break when pressed down too hard. They would be left on the floor, stepped on, and broken in two, yet not broken enough to throw away. We would scoop them up at the end of the day and place them back in the boxes along with the intact ones. They would be used to color, just the same as if they were whole.

But they weren’t.

Trying to color with broken crayons isn’t the same. They are often shorter than the others, with weird jagged edges that make it hard to color in small spaces. They flake and the wrapping paper has to be torn down the longer you use them.I can remember picking through the boxes to find the color of crayon that I needed, pushing aside the broken ones.

 

Even as a child I realized no one wanted to use the broken ones.

 

Trauma changes us, just like how a broken crayon doesn’t quite work the same way as an unbroken one, we are not the same person after we endure trauma. The person that we were before it happened is no longer there.

We were once whole and intact, like a crayon fresh from the box. But going through a trauma, any kind of trauma takes a toll on who we are as a person. It changes everything we know about others and ourselves. We are scare, scared of some trama happening again, scared that we can’t move past it. Remembering the trauma, reliving it, chips away at us. We become a shadow of who we once were, fractured and sometimes even broken.

Trauma does not define us, but it does affect who we are.

It seeps into the core of our being the way water seeps into the sand when the waves crash into the shore. It molds our insides and sometimes even our outsides.

We Are Not Less, Only Different

I don’t know what kind of woman I would have become if I hadn’t been forced to endure the traumas this life has handed me. Perhaps my anxiety wouldn’t turn my world upside down on occasion.
It’s ignorant to think that the negative events imposed on us don’t affect who we are as people today. Whether we want to admit it or not, what happens to us changes certain aspects of our lives.

I don’t want to say that I’m worse off then I would have been. Of course, I would have never wanted to face any of these difficult things that I have, but in a way, they have made me into a different person than I used to be. Just like the broken crayons, we are still who we are, we are just different now. Maybe our confidence is shaken and we are more guarded. But that only makes us different, not less. We are still people. We are still human.

 

There is another quote that floats around the internet like the quote about broken crayons. It’s about an ancient Japanese art of fixing pottery with lacquer and gold called Kintsugi. The meaning is that what is broken can be repaired and it is a part of the object’s history. The Japanese don’t throw the bowl out, but instead repair it in a way that makes it more beautiful, seeing no reason to disguise that it was broken. Instead, the break is highlighted, with gorgeous metals that make it shine, embracing the imperfection.

I think of the art of Kintsugi as a part of the healing process. Like a bowl that is dropped and broken, we will never be exactly what we were before enduring trauma. The cracks are there, but they can be mended. Not only can they be mended but they can be made into something more beautiful than they were before.

We will never be exactly the same, but we do not have to let our trauma define who we are.

Finding a way to cope and heal, whether it be through therapy or journaling, reaching out to friends or turning inward and bettering ourselves, there are ways to heal. After Trauma, You Must Heal, not healing will hold you back.

medium.com

 

Be the water!

I was asked to think about "being like water" in my reaction to situations or circumstances in my life. I decided that water is powerful but not necessarily strong. 

I am often told how strong I am, or told to "keep being strong", and I think there is a difference between being strong and being powerful. People are often said to be strong; Rosie the Riveter is an example of strength. I relate people to being "strong", however I can think of water or other things in nature as being powerful and yet not necessarily strong. So, something can be powerful like water and air, movable and soft, yet powerful.

Water can turn stone into sand and a river carved out the Grand Canyon. Tree roots can turn mountains into gravel over time. The ocean is powerful, yet you can touch the soft water. Things that are powerful, exert power, while things that are strong hold fast and don't "move". Being strong, to me, means an unmovable object that is standing up against the circumstances of life coming at me like an unstoppable force. Cancer, health problems, family dramas, and death, to name a few. The goal is to be flexible, capable of being flexed, bent, bowed, twisted, or moved without breaking; to be pliable; not stiff or brittle. 

Don't try to be the unmovable object, be the water!!

A note from 2001:

 

I will persist until I succeed!

I will not admit defeat!

Rain drops can wash away entire mountain....

Ants can devour a tiger....

Slaves built the pyramids....

The ax fells the mighty oak.... 

I will build my castle one brick at a time!!!

 

Sometimes....

 Sometimes you just have to leave something undone....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I am no alone in thinking about things this way!

the-art-of-leaving-things-undone

This is why leaving things undone is an art, spiritual practice or a discipline. If we can accept that things unravel and break down; that projects may remain unfinished and unstarted; that we lose our jobs or our loves or our health, then we can better accept life itself and find inner peace and joy.

Pearls

 Unlike gemstones that are mined from the earth, a living organism produces a pearl and, in fact, their very existence is a freak of nature. A pearl is formed when an irritant, such as a parasite or piece of shell, becomes accidentally lodged in an oyster's soft inner body, causing it to secrete a crystalline substance called nacre, which builds up around the irritant in layers until a pearl is formed. Cultured pearls are formed through the same process, the only difference being that the irritant is implanted in the oyster rather than entering it by chance.

From:  http://www.thejewelleryeditor.com/jewellery/article/history-of-pearls-pearl-jewellery-rings-earrings-necklaces/

The Infinite Bridge

The Infinite Bridge in Aarhus, Denmark © Kosmaj/Shutterstoc A bridge comes full circle If residents of Aarhus, Denmark's second-largest city, feel like they're going around in circles, then it might have something to do with this wooden walkway. The Infinite Bridge, or 'Den Uendelige Bro' to locals, is about 200 feet in diameter. It forms a perfect circle overlapping the sand and sea, offering sweeping views across Aarhus Bay and along the tree-lined beach. Designed by Danish architects Niels Povlsgaard and Johan Gjødes, it was originally constructed as a temporary display in 2015 for the city's Sculpture by the Sea exhibition. But the never-ending pier proved so popular, the city now opens the bridge to circular meandering each spring and summer. From: peapix.com