What I see are people trying desperately to feel better, in the aftermath of terrible wrongs, of unfair treatment, of unearned slights, and horrific tragedy. I see people not doing ANYTHING to right these wrongs, to protest these slights, to heal these tragedies. Except, of course, to parrot, “forgiveness” that everyone around seems so comfortable with.
I hold people accountable. I work for justice in my own little corner of the world. If someone hurts me on purpose, I am angry. And, I stay that way.
Guess what? It doesn’t control my life.
I am not angry every day (after all, they are no longer in my life!). Although, I am angry when I think of the occasion or the person(s). I believe that this keeps me of slipping into relationships and behaviors not appropriate for someone with a healthy self-image. I don’t “rot”.
It’s not easy. Everyone else likes it when you “forgive”. But if you want me to “forgive” for myself, well, I’ll pass. I am fine how I am – and this is real smile on my face.
FROM: http://thoughtcatalog.com/robin-goode/2014/04/i-dont-believe-in-forgiveness-and-neither-should-you/
Frankly, though, the ‘forgetting’ part is sort of throw-away. You should never forget the wrongs done to you. Why would you want to? Forgiving, though, is another thing entirely. When somebody wrongs us, negative emotions can eat away at us. If we let go of our anger and resentment, we experience healing and reconciliation.
One could, I suppose, think that there are times and situations when forgiveness just isn’t called for. Suppose somebody does some terrible wrong to me and is totally unrepentant. It’s not at all clear that I should forgive them.
On the other hand, you could think that when you forgive, you shouldn’t do it for the sake of the wrong-doer. Rather, you should do it for your own sake, for the sake of your own mental health.
Of course, letting go of one’s anger and moving on won’t do you any good if the person is just going to turn around and do it again. And you could think that unless the person does something to really deserve forgiveness, you’d be a fool to forgive.
Even if you think forgiveness is all about what’s best for the forgiver and not at all about the forgiven, you can still think that there are times when one shouldn’t forgive -- without assuming the wrong-doer can ever deserve forgiveness. Forgiving a foreseeably repeat offender is a case in point. At least part of me thinks that there is nothing a person can do to “deserve” forgiveness. Forgiveness is always gift. It has to be freely given. We’re never morally required to forgive.
But the following thought still gives me pause. Imagine a person who is fully repentant for a wrong done. They’ve resolved never do it again. They’ve done everything possible to make up for their transgression. Why wouldn’t you forgive such a person?
My imagined resister to this line also thinks not. He will dig in his heels here and insist that while being unable to forgive might be some kind of psychological failing, it’s not a moral failing. He will grant that getting to the point of forgiveness can be really hard, even when you think it would be a good thing to do. If you can’t get there on your own, then maybe you need the help of a therapist. But the crucial point for him is that we don’t blame people who can’t forgive, we console them.
FROM: http://philosophytalk.org/community/blog/ken-taylor/2015/04/forgive-and-forget
