What is the big deal? Why should I forget? Why should I forgive? Why should I throw stuff away? Why should I give it all away and buy "new" stuff when I need it when the new stuff is garbage and my stuff and my grandmother's stuff is still working? I can never replace my cast iron waffle iron or my grandmother's blender. I can never replace the dolls and camera's that belonged to my family. My husband can never replace the Volkswagen motor he has. We can't replace the old Time, Look, and Life magazines from the 1950's. You can't replace the movie tickets, travel brochures, or postcards from trips gone by. You might say "take a picture" but then that's another organization nightmare.
From: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201410/when-you-should-and-should-not-forgive
For all that we culturally admire the ability to forgive—it’s associated with magnanimity, spiritual growth, and, of course, religiosity—it remains a somewhat thorny issue from a psychological point of view. In layman’s terms, the ability to forgive is widely seen as evidence of how high humans rank in the chain of being—animals don’t forgive, after all—so it conveys a moral superiority. But from a psychological point of view, two key questions remain: Why do humans forgive and, when they do, how do they hope to benefit?
As Frank Fincham wrote in an article with arguably the best image and title ever—“The Kiss of the Porcupines”—the human conundrum is that we need and want closeness and intimacy, but that need simultaneously leaves us vulnerable to being hurt, disappointed, and even betrayed by those closest to us. If it weren’t for "the quill problem"—in Fincham’s metaphor, two porcupines cuddle to stay warm, getting closer and closer, until a quill pierces skin and they have to withdraw—there’d be no need for forgiveness.
It’s all sobering, and true. And while it’s nice to echo the
words of Alexander Pope—“To err is human; to forgive, divine”—it may
not be universally applicable. You can’t reap the fruits of forgiveness
alone; you need the cooperation, loyalty, and intent of the porcupine
who stabbed you in the first place. On the other hand, forgiving
someone whom you’re showing the door will most probably set you free.
From: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/disturbed/201208/why-you-dont-always-have-forgive
With time, you come to realize that you are moving forward, and it is usually at this point that someone will ask about forgiveness. At some point in your grieving process, someone, somewhere, will ask you if you forgive. Do you forgive your father or mother? Could you forgive your spouse? Many religions and therapies focus on forgiving a perpetrator so that the victim can ‘move on.’ The goal is to make sure that the victim does not become fixated on the hurt. This element is critical because if you become completely obsessed with your victimization, you will not be able to function. That is a fact. Fixating freezes you.
It may be surprising to learn how many people will pressure survivors to forgive a perpetrator. Family members tell them that if they don’t forgive, then they are going to Hell. In some cases, I’ve seen families turn their backs on victims of sexual abuse because the victims wouldn’t go along with the program and keep their mouths shut. They are told to forgive their attackers and let it go. If they cannot do so, then they are banished from the family unit. I’ve also seen women who stand up to their abusive lovers only to be eventually cut off by their children because they won’t simply forgive and let bygones be bygones. When they say they forgave and are moving on, they are accused of dredging up the past should they speak out, so back to isolation they go.
